Tonight, the Pittsburgh Penguins saved the hockey world from another boring Stanley Cup champion. I’ll be honest, I didn’t think the Penguins had a chance at the beginning of the series. I thought their chances were even slimmer when Detroit won the first two games of the series. Then, the Pens woke up.
This also means that Pittsburgh is now home to the Super Bowl and the Stanley Cup. Now when the Pirates get going….ah never mind.
So since I’m not really a Penguins fan and I really hate the Red Wings, I’m going to let you all know a couple facts about Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals that you may not have realized.
Please keep in mind that these many not actually be true.
1. Half of the fans at Joe Louis Arena were cardboard cut outs. We all know that no one in Detroit has a job, therefore no one can afford to go to a hockey game. That’s pretty embarrassing so officials dressed up a bunch of cardboard people in some old Steve Yzerman jerseys and went with it. They did a great job, you almost couldn’t tell.
2. Between the first and second periods, Tomas Holmstrom and Johan Franzen won the Kiss-Cam contest that they held on the replay board. That means they ended the season with a perfect record, even though Pavel Datsyuk and Henrik Zetterberg gave them a stiff test a few times.
3. In the third period, Marian Hossa tried to sneak into the Pens locker room and find his old jersey so he could take part in the celebration. I hope he cries himself to sleep.
4. Most of the people who were in the building tonight were mugged on the way home.
5. Most of the people who were mugged got the last laugh because they didn’t have any money anyway.
6. Detroit sucks. I know you all know this, but it’s worth repeating.
7. The homeless population of Detroit received a boost in their food supply when the 17 or so fans who were in the building dropped off their unused octopi.
I’m going to stop. Detroit sucks. Really bad.